The only severance package that appreciates.
Every pink slip is a catalyst.
Yesterday, Block cut 40% of its workforce. Over 4,000 people. The stock shot up 24% in after-hours trading. Jack Dorsey told shareholders that "intelligence tools have changed what it means to build and run a company."
He's not wrong. He's just saying what every CEO in America is thinking.
This isn't a prediction — it's already happening. Amazon has cut 30,000 jobs in three months. Salesforce is replacing its support teams with AI agents and celebrating it publicly. Pinterest gutted 15% of its workforce to "reallocate to AI." The January 2026 layoff numbers hit levels not seen since the 2009 recession.
$LAYOFF is the honest trade. Block just proved the model: cut 40% of your workforce, cite AI, and get rewarded with a 24% stock pop. Most companies that announce layoffs see their stock dip — Amazon fell 1%, Pinterest dropped 7.5%, Meta slid 4%. But Block changed the game. Dorsey told the world this is the future, and Wall Street agreed. Now every CEO is watching. The question isn't if more follow — it's when.
Every pink slip is a catalyst. Every earnings call is a countdown. Every CEO letter to shareholders that says "AI efficiency" is another headline that drives the thesis.
The avalanche has started. The question isn't whether more layoffs are coming. It's how many zeros you want on your position when they do.
We regret to inform you that your role has been deemed redundant.
Effective immediately, your responsibilities will be transferred to a large language model that doesn't need health insurance, doesn't take PTO, doesn't unionize, and never asks for a raise. It works 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, at a fraction of your cost.
This is not personal. It's structural.
Block just proved the playbook works. Cut 4,000 people. Stock jumps 24%. Every board room in America took notes. Amazon already cut 30,000. Salesforce is bragging about replacing entire departments. The CEO of Klarna said they stopped hiring entirely and let attrition do the work.
The market doesn't reward employment. It rewards efficiency. And AI is the most efficient employee in history.
We're not rooting for this. We're not celebrating it. We're acknowledging that the market already is.
$LAYOFF is the severance package the market never gave you. It's the honest bet — the one Wall Street makes in spreadsheets while press releases talk about "reallocating resources." We're just saying the quiet part out loud.
Every pink slip is a catalyst.
Every earnings call is a countdown.
Every AI deployment is fuel.
The avalanche has started. The stones don't care.